I love planners. I love planning. I love plans.
Hello, my name is Calvalyn, nice to meet you.
No, really, I'm a person who likes order and efficiency and having a schedule makes that work for me.
I have been known, however, to put everything on my to-do list, except myself.
Now that I'm approaching 40 years on the earth, I'm in a continual state of improvement and will no longer allow that to be the norm.
I got over the whole, "I'm a mom, my kids need me" thing a long time ago. I already know that kids do better when mom takes care of herself and engages in meaningful work or entertainment activities. What I've struggled with is knowing how to put myself on my list in meaningful ways. Not just the get a pedicure, take a nap type stuff, but stuff that truly refuels me.
But I think I'm getting the hang of it now, so here are 5 things you should put on your list if you want to be a happy mom.
Time with your family. Sounds like a no-brainer, but hear me out. Yesterday I talked to this awesome mom who told me she pulled her kids out of all their sports. Crazy I know. But she made a decision, for a particular season, that she was not going to have her kids bound by a baseball or track schedule. Her reason? That the time spent watching one kid play didn't qualify as family time in her book. She wanted to enjoy campouts and sleeping in late and she felt that was a better use of her time.
Maybe your family enjoys being around the soccer goal, but if not, it's important to make sure you're scheduling time to actually connect with one another. A rousing board game or even a nature walk could fit the bill, but what's important is that it's intentional.
Time for intimacy. This includes one on one time with your spouse or even time to entertain the potential of a new mate. I see women all the time saying they don't have time for a relationship, but then they also profess being lonely and wanting partnership. If you're single, invest time in improving relationship skills so you're ready when Mr. Right shows up. If you're married, don't discount the value of date night with the one you love. The deep personal connections that we share with our intimate partners brings value way beyond the bedroom.
Time for each child. Yes, I know family time is on the list, but if you're new to my site hear me well, families are units of connected individual relationships. You must make time for each person by themselves. It's great if you can do this everyday, and I do recommend that for my clients when they are looking to rebuild a relationship, but consistency is the key. Once a week or even every other, take time for a simple act of personal connection with your child.
Time for someone to sow into you. Have you ever heard the saying, if you're the smartest person in the room, you need a new room? I always think of this as the perfect plug for mentorship. I spend a great deal of time teaching and coaching families, schools and churches, so I pour on them all that I can during those exchanges. I would end up dry as a bone if I didn't give myself time to recharge. Plugging into someone who can give you a boost of energy, a kind word or a shortcut will make you happier and a more effective mom. Finding a mentor momma can feel daunting at times, but they are likely all around you. Your kids likely have friends who have big brothers and sisters, their moms are often battle tested and ready to share. A lovely older woman at church? Ask her to coffee War Room style and pick her brain. There's so much wisdom ready to share.
Time for you to dream. I know this sounds crazy, but you need to schedule time for hoping and dreaming about your life and your future. Before we get married and even times during those early years of motherhood we daydream about who our kids will become, the life we'll live and what we'll be like at certain stages. At some point, we get sucked into the day to day of carpool and potty training and we stop feeling hopeful about our lives. It's not only a recipe for a bad mood it can also set you up for missing the joy of anticipation. A business coach I follow calls them CEO dates, meaning I'm dating the boss to pick their brain. You can do the same. You are the CEO of your life and you should absolutely make time to think about what you want.
Need some help figuring out how to make some adjustments to your schedule so you can be happier? Reach out to me on social media or request your FREE consultation with me, I'd love to help you put the joy back in your life.