Does Positive Reinforcement REALLY work???

During my exploration of a less punitive approach to parenting I explored the benefit of positive reinforcement. I wrote about it on my now retired, Indy Parent Coach blog. The below article is a reprint, with some freshening up for your home or school needs. I hope you enjoy!

Not too long ago, I saw a post online about preventing whining.

By using a marble jar.

I was intrigued.

Whining wasn't my problem at that moment,  but I did have a problem.  Somehow, I had gotten into a horrible habit of repeating myself with my kids. Like most problems in parenting, this one snuck up on me. Normally, I tell the kids what to do, they do it.  But you know how it happens, you're tired and don't follow through when you tell the kids to do something and they're like, "Aha, I smell weakness, let' charge!" Ok, maybe that's a little dramatic, but most kids, mine included, do thrive on consistency and when I diverge from that I do think they believe, either consciously or unconsciously, that there’s a chance it could happen again. It’s human nature. Just like driving slightly above the speed limit or eating one extra cookie after dinner. You don’t really notice the problem until it’s a problem.

But by the time I noticed my bad habit of repeating myself, it had gotten out of hand and my patience was failing me. I didn't want to punish them for what was at least partially my fault, but I wasn't willing to give in to constantly having to tell them a half dozen times what needed to be done. So I decided to give the marble jar a try.

The behaviorist in me now knows this should work. It’s based on positive reinforcement which is conditioning the brain to expect and accept a particular response to behavior. Because doing the right thing isn’t always fun, and because we can’t, or don’t want to give constant stickers and rewards for just doing as you’re told, this technique can be a great tool when behavior needs a slight adjustment.

The goal, in my house, was to reinforce the kids for every time they DID follow directions the first time. Step one,  I let the kids know that this was something we were going to be working on. I showed them the jar and let them know how they would get marbles.  It's pretty easy.  You obey, you get a marble.  Both my kids LOVE positive reinforcement, so they were game with very little selling, keep in mind they were pretty young.  Your kids may need the step two to get excited.

Step two, I talked to the kids what they would get.  Initially, the marbles in the jar, are just that, marbles in a jar. But once the jar is full there is a reward for the consistency of improvement.  In my case, we have a box of trinkets, some new, some used, that the girls got to pick from once the jar was full.  I’ve used this as a school counselor too. My schools were usually in lower income areas so we had access to a program called Teachers Treasures which lets you get ‘free’ items with your yearly membership to supplement your classroom. Often the items were random or unusual, but you can do the same idea with things from yard sales or The Dollar Store. You can use whatever currency that your kids work for. The benefit is that the cost can is basically zero, but the attention they get is priceless.

Lastly, I also had a consequence for when they didn't follow through the first time.  You may or may not chose a consequence, but I think it's necessary. In my house, I'm against taking away the marbles. Obviously, they don't get marbles for not being obedient, but to take away marbles, in my opinion, makes the process less about improvement and more about perfection.  So the consequence I chose was early bedtime.  On the wall we have the word, OBEY. I have each letter covered with a card.  When the kids don't obey, I uncover one letter at at time.  If they get all letters uncovered, presto! Direct ticket to early bedtime. The best thing is, they start over the next day fresh, all the letters covered and they pick up with gaining marbles, working toward the goal. So there is an additional benefit for the kids, a little life lesson, working hard, delayed gratification, persistence, all great perks and so easy to do.

In a classroom, you likely have other consequences that are natural for failing to comply with directives, but of course if you have students with special needs or who may react poorly to the consequence, it’s perfectly reasonable to focus on only the positive reinforcement first.

I also like the occasional intermittent individual reinforcement too. I found some brag tags that are perfect for younger kids, with phrases like “I am a hard worker” and “ I am a kind friend”, it gives them something tangible to remind them you’ve noticed their choice, plus, it helps them really realize that it takes lots of individual good choices to have a positive classroom environment. Older kids might enjoy a positive call home or a quick postcard or thank you note in the mail.

Do you use positive reinforcement?