NO Hitting! Tips For Stopping Aggression in Preschoolers
Toddlers are so cute, and I just love seeing the personalities that bloom in the preschool years, but I’ve had several people reach out to me recently about an increase in hitting and aggression in the classroom and that is NOT cute at all.
Let’s start by saying very clearly, aggressive behavior like hitting and biting are natural at this age and developmentally appropriate. Now, that doesn’t mean we should allow it, but let’s be clear, it’s not necessarily an indicator that something is ‘wrong’ with the child.
When you think about it, it’s understandable. Anger, frustration, even sadness are all normal human emotions and any of them, or a combination can make an adult want to scream or hit. We’ve LEARNED that hitting will come with a consequence and we’ve developed the self-control and critical thinking skills to help us navigate more appropriate ways of both expression and getting what we need. But often 3-5 year olds haven’t gained those skills just yet, so they go back to the more primal way of expression and that is by using their body. This is a sign that your student needs help learning these skills.
Now there are definitely times when aggression is a sign that their may be other needs too. Social-emotional or mental health needs in early childhood usually show up in behavior first. But since 70-80% of the challenging behavior you’re seeing is likely the typical variety, we’re going to focus on that.
Preventing Aggression:
Limit temptations. Some triggers are avoidable. Pay attention to areas of your class that are prone to conflicts. Is the block area too congested? Do you have too many people in home living? Choose activities that students will find engaging and structure your schedule and environment to allow for space and freedom within reasonable boundaries.
Change the subject. When you see a conflict brewing that could escalate, be ready to intervene. Keep distractions on hand. Play games or sing songs if you need to lighten the mood or stave off boredom. Some kids actually do act out more as a means of gaining sensory input, so a little extra distraction when they appear to be escalating can help.
Enforce nap times. Sleep disruptions are a huge cause of challenging behaviors. While you can’t force sleep, you can set up a strong sleep routine in your room. Preschoolers can need as much as 10 to 14 hours of sleep each day. Depending on commute times and home life it can be almost impossible for kids to get that without a nap. Look at sleep hygiene for preschoolers to help.
Talk about feelings. A strong emotional vocabulary goes a long way for helping kids express feelings without getting physical. Help your students understand their emotions and empathize with the emotions of others. Discuss how their actions affect their family and friends. Point out feelings in books and while playing with toys.
Rehearse responses. Practice makes progress. If you know you’re going to have a debate on the playground about the 3 swings, discuss that BEFORE you head outside. Talk about how to wait and what they can do without focusing on what you want them NOT to do.
Praise positive behavior. This is really the most important piece of this behavior puzzle. Kids need to get more attention for doing the right thing than they do for misbehaving. That means you’ve got to be on the lookout for them resolving differences with words and taking turns and make a big deal about how happy you are to see it.
Monitor media consumption. Movies and TV shows contain a lot of violence, and small children are especially impressionable. Pediatricians recommend no regular TV watching for children under two, and a maximum of 2 hours a day after that. If you see an increase in behaviors, have conversations with parents and give them updates on what you’re seeing so they can check to see if that might be sneaking in to the home through television. Many parents have gotten comfortable letting kids watch YouTube, but it’s very easy for things to slide through the cracks. Encourage parents to use the YouTube kids app to cut down on this risk.
For more help on how to deal with aggression when you see it, check out this post.