We are NOT at War with Parents: Revisiting Parent Engagement 101
Years ago, I wrote a post called Parent Engagement 101.
That’s actually how I was eventually contracted to write my second book, Authentically Engaged Families, but that’s a story for another day. That post was my response to what I felt was a very basic level of knowledge that every educator needed related to connecting with all children and families and to my surprise, it was not something most educators were getting in undergrad.
As a counselor, it is not at all unusual for me to be asked to help a struggling student, find out what’s going on at home or even to try and set up a meeting. For years, when I would get those emails or be stopped for chats in the hall, my question was always the same, “what did they say when you called home?”
More times than not, I would hear that they either hadn’t called home yet or that the call had not been particularly helpful. Having not come through the traditional classroom route, I was surprised that very little time is actually devoted to parent and family engagement for new teachers. Considering it’s such a huge part of how we create a shared support team for students I thought certainly someone should be teaching teachers how to have hard conversations and more importantly how to build bridges with parents and caregivers, but that was not the case. So, I literally wrote the book on it.
I understand that it can be challenging. Having busy schedules, unrealistic workloads and our own personal interests to consider, making time for parent connections can feel like one more thing on an overfilled plate. But if we don’t partner with parents, we run the risk of ending up with feelings like this:
This post was in a PROFESSIONAL group on Facebook. A professional group of EDUCATORS were liking, loving and laughing at a comment that was clearly derogatory towards parents. Now I can’t say that the original poster was an educator, but I can say that it was shared amongst educators and at last count over 400 people thought it was pretty funny.
Now I am not missing my funny bone. I absolutely know that sometimes humor is the only way to survive stressful situations and I know that educating during a pandemic absolutely calls for some comic relief. But I’m also concerned about the undercurrents of why this was one of the most popular posts in the group.
Is it possible that parents are seen as so uninvolved that we are blaming them for our frustration? Are we burnt out and overwhelmed to the point that we’ve begun to disconnect from those we are meant to help? I would not begin to pretend that all of the parents I’ve come into contact with over the years were actively engaged in the education of their children, specifically to the extent that I may have wanted, but I don’t want people to get so jaded they lose sight of the big picture. In the middle of a pandemic, like most of us have never seen before, having parents checking for the deposit of money for food, shelter or survival should’t be compared with checking their child’s grades. Yes, education matters, but let’s not pretend that that the missing bellwork compares to how I will pay the copay for my child’s asthma medication.
One lone voice gently suggested we consider the undertone of the post. How our families might feel if they knew we thought that about them. How it might create a hostile environment as we begin to blame parents for those parts of our jobs that we hate. I “loved” her comment and responded that I was glad she had spoken up because I felt the same concern. But I was shocked when I saw someone challenge her for climbing on a soapbox! Claiming that it was a lighthearted joke.
Here’s my response to him:
In a time when there is so much separation, it’s important that we don’t let the high stakes and expectations in education create a war we cannot win. Making dress codes for parents, discounting their opinions and mocking them does nothing but hurt our students.
And I know we’re all spent. We never imagined that we would be one year post lockdown and only beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but as we look ahead to rebounding in the 21-22 school year we will need parents just as much as they need us. Now is not the time to make jokes.
What is your school doing to improve parent and family engagement during the pandemic and beyond? Leave a comment or if you could use some support send me a message and I’d be glad to help.