Busting The LIE: Educators Have to be Selfless
Years ago, I wrote a blog about why I think teachers should stop telling people they don’t do what they do for money.
My point was, that since we are all human beings, we should stop giving people the impression that we don’t have the exact same wants or needs as other professionals. Yes, we willingly took on the role of teacher or counselor, but does that mean we never want to have financial success like a stock broker or electrical engineer? Of course not. Sure, we’ll show up day after day and do the work, and we may have taken on our careers knowing that it would not likely make us a millionaire, but that doesn’t mean we should stop living our lives in order to show up for work.
How many times have you heard people say that they would love to have more balance in their lives? Hey, maybe it’s YOU saying it. Whenever I hear that I tend to roll my eyes internally just a bit, because most people want something different than what they have but they don’t really know what that different is. And as you could guess, without being clear about what it is that you want, you have almost no chance of ever getting it. As we bust the lie that educators should be selfless, let’s talk a little about what the truth is. You can have a life of balance and flow.
Here’s a few things people usually mean when they thing about balance.
You have the time to get things done that you need to, and you don’t feel rushed
You feel happy about those things you do, and not frustrated
You’re proud of what you’re accomplishing, and not stuck or bored
You feel capable of getting things done, and not overwhelmed
You experience joy and gratitude regularly, without feeling guilt or shame
Sound about right?
Your specific definition may be slightly different or include things I didn’t mention here at all, but the truth is, just because you decided to be an educator, doesn’t mean that you should have to give all that up. Your living a rich and full life may sound like a fairy tale, but it is key to you being able to serve your students well. If you show me a miserable teacher, I will show you a class that is not getting the best that they could be. But I’m not here to sell you a pipe dream about bubble baths and scented candles, I’m going to give you FIVE simple ways to start moving yourself toward a more mentally fulfilling and healthy life by adding more balance.
Be present and aware
While it is important to plan for the future you do need to be aware of what is happening in your life right now. So awareness is the first habit you need to form. When your life is balanced it means that you are aware of your current situation, it does not mean being obsessed with what the future might hold. It also means letting go of the past. Being aware allows you to make good decisions and choices, giving you fewer regrets later on.
During the pandemic, I asked my community how they have adjusted to all the demands on their lives. One of the things I saw repeatedly was how challenging it was to constantly be asked to react to crises. This kind of chronic stress actually is detrimental to your mental and physical health. It conditions you to be always trying to anticipate problems and not present and enjoying or observing the moment in a non-judgmental way. Spend a few moments without your counselor or teacher hat on once a day. Just being a fly on the wall, not there to fix or teach anything but just to be. It gives your body and brain a chance to reset.
Prioritize your health
The next habit is taking care of your body and your health. You need to be grateful for what you have and you need to take care of yourself to maintain this. This includes paying attention to what you eat and getting in enough exercise. This habit also includes learning to rest and relax when you are tired. If your body is not balanced then neither will your life be balanced. This isn’t about the size of your clothes or the shape of your thighs either. This is about feeling good in your own skin. I have made an increasing effort in recent months to pay attention to my body while I work. noticing that I am slouching and putting unnecessary pressure on my spine has prompted me to make a point to get more movement breaks in my own day.
Lean into positive emotions
A few weeks ago, during a group coaching session I asked my clients how often they make a point of leaning into good feelings. Things like letting yourself laugh out loud, instead of typing LOL or getting an extra snuggle from your loved one instead of that quick hug. Maybe even rereading that kind email from the student who appreciated your work on her behalf. We often speedbump over the good things in our lives and ruminate on the negative ones. Having better balance involves having a balanced view of the good and not so good in your life. Because our natural tendencies may be to spot the problems, this means you have to be intentional with the way you focus on those good or great moments.
Be realistic with your expectations
This one is a work in progress for me. But let me tell you, if you are a Type A/perfectionist/rule follower, pay close attention here. Our expectations can be very dangerous to us and those around us. From inadvertently expecting more from the bigger kids in class because they look older to expecting that you should be able to get certain things done because your parents always seemed to have it together when they were your age, expectations can be a two edged sword.
Make a habit of checking your expectations regularly and adjusting based upon the feedback your life is giving you. Here’s an example from my life today. My kids just returned to school 4 days per week when they had previously be on a cohort schedule. This means there are twice as many people dropping off each day. As you can imagine the drop off line is taking longer than usual. If my expectation is that it should only take me 5 minutes to get through the line, I will consistently feel frustrated and out of time. By adjusting my expectations we leave a little earlier and I’m still able to be back in my office and on my calls as needed. Your next habit is the one of patience and this can be difficult for many people to develop. By developing patience as a habit it will help you deal with almost all challenges, problems and issues that life loves to throw at you. Developing patience improves your own life and that of your spouse's and your children's lives. So learn how to not react immediately and quite often a simple smile can diffuse any situation.
Keep it simple
This has maybe been one of the hidden perks of the pandemic as we’ve been forced to simplify in many ways. But as we move toward reopening the world and rebuilding, we’ve also got new sets of challenges and adjustments that need to be made. Before you go right back to doing all the old things you were previously doing, give some serious thought to what you really want and do away with the things that no longer serve you. Do you need to own two fancy cars, or go on that fancy vacation just because your friends do? Pick and choose what is important to you and your family in order to live a happy and fulfilled life. Many times, the things we need are really wants AND they are also tied to things we don’t want at all. You want your son to play travel soccer, but you don’t need it. Maybe you would decrease the frustration you feel with your finances if you opted for a less expensive or seasonal instead of year round version of play. Everything is negotiable.
Now that you’re crystal clear that you are in fact important and that being a great teacher or counselor does NOT require you to be selfless, what are you going to do now? Sound off in the comments and let me know what you will do to bring some balance into your life. Or if you would like a little help in this area, shoot me an email and let’s have a little chat. My free educator clarity sessions are a perfect way to spring clean your life.