Dear Educators, The Kids Are NOT worse, but this is
This post was submitted as an open letter to educators around the world. It was shared in my School Social Worker and Mental Health Providers community as well as my other social media platforms, but I’ve provided it as a blog so that it can be shared easily with all.
I’ve seen a bunch of posts recently about how bad kids are right now. Violence, vandalism, no motivation, etc.
As per usual, lots of people asking what’s wrong with these kids and others just expressing sheer exhaustion.
Here’s the truth, there has NEVER been a time in our lives like this.
Over 18 months of a pandemic, ADULTS fighting flight attendants and restaurant hostesses, unrealistic academic expectations and for many, stunted social and emotional development because of heightened mental health needs and lack of ‘normal’ experiences due to said pandemic. Yes, they need consequences, but that’s not all.
I hate to break it to you, but there is NO EASY ANSWER.
Back in my medical days we would triage. Take a look at a person when they walk or are rolled in and look at the major systems of the body to determine what they need and how fast. It doesn’t matter if your foot is broken if you’re bleeding out of your chest. First things first. Here’s what that looks like in a school.
First and above all else, EDUCATORS MUST BE WELL. Jeans days and taco bars help, but they are a far cry from realistic expectations and mental health support. (FYI, it’s not the job of any one educator to be the support for the whole building. Everyone IN the building needs someone OUTSIDE the building to lean on) Promote the EAP, partner with coaches or counselors in your area, take your time off when you need it.
Next, Maslow before bloom. Before you dive into content, make sure kids feel safe. Not just physically, but PSYCHOLOGICALLY. Do they trust your intentions? Do you know their heart? Sorry, fluffy ice breakers and fist bumps will most likely not be enough any more. These kids need to see you share and receive so they can do the same. If they are full of anxious energy or have a preferred coping strategy that works, the time spent on those things is NOT a waste, it’s an investment.
Connect content to context. To put it bluntly, these kids care about 99 things, but standards ain’t one. We do not have a generation of ‘because I said so’ kids. They want to know that you care about the content AND why they should. These kids have seen the puppet strings and all the behind the scenes, they want to know WHY. Bonus tip: Kids who’ve felt detached or isolated are longing for CONNECTION. Connect, then you can inject content.
Last, but not least, please remember that behavior is a language. Whatever they are doing, or refusing to do, is a behavior and there is ALWAYS a function. Feed the need and you can change the behavior. Two kids can do the exact same thing for completely different reasons and conversely two kids can have similar needs and express them in opposite ways.
Here’s a quick strategy you can use immediately that I’ve used in my workshops in the past. Place 2 or more labeled cups at the doorway and take a straw poll about anything from how they slept to what they watched on TV the night before. Get them connected to you and your space before they walk in. I’ve included a picture of what this looks like. If the poll says no one is sleeping, spend some time in a relaxing meditation. If the poll says they are all watching the same show, get some opinions on what they liked. Information always helps us lead to transformation. Let them talk to you, however they can.
Did you get value from this? Forward it to a friend and share the love as we really are all in this together. Could your school use some support? Schedule a discovery call to get my eyes on your problem immediately so you can move in the right direction now on your biggest challenge or get a full strategy session to make a plan that will get you out of survival mode for good. Not sure which one you need? Shoot me an email and let’s talk.